Ask Why? Get an answer.

I was driving the other day when I drove thru the inner part of a big city and saw a man on the sidewalk struggling with a shopping cart full of belongings. I watched as he stumbled onto the grass and tried to catch a blanket that was falling out of his cart. This scene isn't uncommon in this part of town and I started wondering why some of us were so blessed with the comforts of this world and why some had to struggle just to survive. It wasn't very much further down the road, when I got my answer. Just as the spirit does, a soft voice spoke to me, "For of him unto whom much is given much is required" D&C 82:3 (the actual thoughts were, "to whom much is given much is expected.") And the hymn "Because I have been given much" started to sing in my head.

Throughout the weekend, this same message rang in my head numerous times as I looked at my family, my home and my life. I feel so blessed and because of that I will do all that I can to serve the Lord. It's not just lucky, it's a blessing and because of that I must always strive to turn the hearts of my children and myself to the Lord.

On a little side note: We were watching a television show (my four year old and I) and someone mentioned "heaven". My little lady turned to me and said, "HEY! We know Heaven." Aren't we glad :)

The White Rose~

I have had the opportunity over the past few days to do some work for a WonDeRfuL family who I first considered clients but now consider friends. Their dear daughter gave birth to a little man who lived for only a few weeks and then returned home to our Heavenly Father.

This wonderful family shared a story with me, that I'd like to share with you (and keep for my family to read later on). It's called The White Rose.

The White Rose~

All the earth's mothers and fathers were gathered together at God's garden of flowers: those beautiful budding spirits, who would someday come to earth, were nurtured and tended in the garden. A loving Father spoke to the mothers and fathers: "See the works of my hands; someday you will be the parents of those radiant spirits." The garden glowed with the mixture of all kinds and colors. "Choose Ye," He said. Now in the east corner of the garden, pure, white roses stood as sentinels. They were not so colorful as the rest, but glowed with a kind of purity which set them apart.

One by one mothers and fathers stepped forward. "I want the blue-eyed, curly-haired one, who will grow to maturity and be a mother in Zion. Yet another chose a brown-eyed, brown-haired boy full of life and love who would someday be a prince in a grand country. The garden buzzed with excitement as the others chose their own special spirits, those whom they would soon welcome into the warmth and love of an earthly home.

Once again the loving father spoke, "But who will take the white roses, the ones in the east corner of the garden. These will return to me in purity and goodness. They will not stay long in your home, for I must bring them back to my Garden for they belong with me; but they will gain bodies as we planned. You will miss them and long for them, but I will personally care for them."

"No, not I," many said in unison. "I could not bear to give one back so soon." "Nor I," said others. "We will take those who will remain and grow to maturity and live long lives."

The loving Father looked out across the multitude of mothers and fathers with the longing in His eyes for someone to step forward. He then said, "See the most pure and perfect of all the white ones? I choose Him; He will go down and be a sacrifice for all mankind. He will be scorned, mocked, and crucified. He is mine own. Will not anyone choose like unto Him?"

A few mothers stepped forward. "Yes, Lord, I will." Then a few fathers said, "I as well."

Soon all the pure, white roses were taken; and they rejoiced in the choices of the mothers and the fathers. The Father spoke again: "Oh, blessed are you who chose the white roses, for your pain will be a heavy cross to bear; but your joy will be exceeding beyond anything you can understand at this time."

The white ones embraced their mothers and fathers; so full was their purity and love that it filled their souls with such endearment. Each mother and father knew they could endure the task. And the greatest of all the white ones gathered them as a hen gathers her chicks, and the outpouring love surrounded each mother, father, and child, consuming all the white ones as He prepared them for their task. And each mother and father who bore the weight of the white rose would feel the overwhelming love of God as they all shouted, "Thy will be done."

** There is a great talk or discussion by Bruce R. McConkie in which he addressed the gospel and how it pertains to infants/children who return home SALVATION OF LITTLE CHILDREN in this discussion he quotes Joseph Smith, “The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth.” (Joseph Smith Teachings, pp. 196–97.)"

My love and prayers go out to this wonderful family and any other that has endured such trials. I honor you and know that thru Christ families can be together forever.

A Family Fast . . .

My youngest princess is going to be ONE next month and I have been reflecting on her birth and the miracles that came our way. Our little "bean" was 4 weeks early (3 weeks 5 days to be exact) and while that is not extremely early, something wasn't right. She had sudden Shoulder Dystocia (which I didn't know just how bad it was until I read that link, and am now VERY thankful for a talented Midwife who seemed as calm as could be).   When she was born she wasn't responsive and they had to do some breathing things to get her breathing.  She was just limp, it was the scariest thing I have ever experienced.  

Our little princess was rushed off to be checked and see if she needed to go to the NICU, which they decided she did.  My husband (oh how hard this was on him) and my dad gave her a blessing and off she went.  I had the baby on Monday and I could barely keep my eyes open thru Wednesday, not my regular way, I am usually up and walking around later that day.  The baby on the other hand hadn't even opened her eyes.  They kept asking me about a virus I had a few months before the baby (just a little cold).  Because they couldn't figure out why she was sooooo sleepy.  They said they gave her an iv in her head and she didn't even flinch.

Wednesday came and it was time for me to go home, but not my baby :(  What a hard time that is!  I was pumping and giving them milk, but she was still tube feeding because she was not awake at all to eat.  There wasn't any rooms available at the hospital so I had to leave her there and go home.  What a sad feeling.  Helpless really.  You can't hold her, you can't show her off to friends and family, so different than my other babies, you can't help her, you just pray!

With this, my husband called his Grandpa and asked if the family could have a fast on behalf of our new baby.  His Grandpa has been such a great example to us and there was no question that the family would pull together to support us.

Thursday Morning I got ready and head out for a day at the hospital (they called and said that they had a room also, so I could stay).  I walked into the NICU room #1 (reserved for the sickest babies) and there was my BABY and I mean a BABY, she was out of the box, dressed in clothes, wrapped in a blanket in a regular bed like all my other babies were!  It was amazing!  

I held her, feed her, cuddled her, she was a real baby (sure I knew she was a real baby before but it was so different when you couldn't even touch her, just look at her in the little box).  And from there she improved with flying colors.  It still took almost one more week for us to get her home, but there is no reason to rush . . . make sure everything is okay first.  She went home without any oxygen, or beeping machines, she came home and has been PERFECT and active ever since.

Now I have always had a hard time with fasting (I have blood sugar issues and have to snack all day) and I just feel so hungry when they say you can't eat (doesn't make a lot of sense, he he). But this was a confirmation to me that fasting and prayer DOES work and MIRACLES can come from those acts of faith.  

I am so grateful to a family who knows where to turn when times are tough (and when times are FABULOUS!  C.S. Lewis says, "and his feasts would be as Christian as his fasts.")  I am grateful to the healing power of the priesthood and the gift it is in my life to have worthy men who honor it.  And I am grateful for the responsibility to raise children of God and the assistance he gives me so I may raise them up to yearn to return to Him.

Endure to the End . . .

We have experienced something over the past few days that gives me a whole new perspective to the Lord's counsel to "endure to the end". A loved and cherished son of God decided to take his life on Tuesday. He seemed to be such a happy and well person and the shock from the tragedy has left everyone confused and saddened. While out shoveling snow, I could not take my mind off of it and kept thinking about what on earth could have made him do this? I don't understand. Then I got the message "lean not unto thine own understanding." This didn't give me full peace, but a dose of, "hey we aren't always going to understand everything". As I started to think more (as this seems to be taking over a lot of my thoughts) I started thinking that the command or the commandment from the Lord to simply "endure to the end" is truly all we can do sometimes. When things seem like they will never get better, like there is no way out . . . Just Survive. Just live. Just ENDURE.

In Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin's conference talk "Come What May and Love it", he counseled on the "Principle of Compensation: The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."

My prayers and heart go out to the family at this time. I pray that they may find peace and some sort of understanding, whether it be ours or the Lords. I pray that we may remember to endure, hold on, the light will come.

Elder Bruce R. McConkie (1915–85) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: “Suicide consists in the voluntary and intentional taking of one’s own life, particularly where the person involved is accountable and has a sound mind. … Persons subject to great stresses may lose control of themselves and become mentally clouded to the point that they are no longer accountable for their acts. It should … be remembered that judgment is the Lord’s; he knows the thoughts, intents, and abilities of men; and he in his infinite wisdom will make all things right in due course.”

Therefore, the loving man we all remembered will be the memories we hold onto.

"Suicide: Some Things We Know, and Some We Do Not" great talk given my M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

To The Bottom and Back . . .

When I was making the climb back out of my "hole" of sin and sorrow, I wrote a poem trying to explain what it felt like. I titled it "To the Bottom and Back"

Do you know what it's like at the bottom of the sea?
It's dark and dreary and you can barely see.
The water's so cold and it eats at your skin.
You can hardly breath and your oxygen's thin.
The pressure upon you is like nothing you've known.
Even if you're with others, you feel all alone.
There's beautiful wonders swimming right beside you
but you can not see them, no matter what you do.
You sink to the bottom and can't see the sun.
You look at the sand and think . . . what have I done.
You wonder if ever you'll see the light of day,
but never start swimming, you just sit there and sway.
You hope that a fisherman, out on a boat
will notice you down there and keep you afloat.
But no one can see you, they don't know you are there.
So you have to start swimming, or you'll run out of air.
So suddenly you decide to do something brave
and swim for your life out of this watery grave.
Your feet are so heavy and your heart feels the same.
You feel like you are drowning in a sea full of shame.
But you know you must go or you'll never be free.
So you take that first step back to the edge of the sea.
You swim with your arms, your legs and your heart.
You know it's a long trip, but you need somewhere to start.
The pressure starts to lessen and the water's not so cold
then you embrace the sunlight, shinning yellow and gold.
You start to swim faster and suddenly you find
that your strong tribulations weren't one of a kind.
You find that your feet are as light as a feather
and that you breath the sunlight that you will forever treasure.
You burst through the waves, so cold and so blue
to find family and friends waiting to help you.
They rescue your body, your mind and your soul.
You did it! You made it! What a glorious goal.
They were there with their eyes full of gratuitous tears
then you found that they shared your trials and fears.

The Lord is our sun, so bright and so true
so always remember no matter what you do
That the sea may look tempting on his sunny days
but when you hit bottom, all that's left is the haze
and wishing for sunlight and the cold emptiness
so remember . . . KEEP SWIMMING . . . and he'll do the rest.

So take it from me, for to the bottom I have been
that Jesus the Christ, is a fisher of men.

Ann Montgomery

The Hole . . .

To explain to you about how one can have good intentions in helping someone, yet find themselves in just as much trouble. I like to explain my experience as 'THE HOLE'.

Imagine you are walking along one day and you hear someone calling for help. You follow their voice until you come upon a hole. There they are sitting in this deep, dark hole. You see that it is someone you care about dearly. You ask if they are ok, they say they are fine but they can't get out. So you look at the side of the hole and see there are divets and cranny's that they could use to climb out. You start to point them out to them but they say they can't do that, they aren't strong enough.

So you decide to go and get a rope. You find a rope, tie it to a tree, and throw the other end down to the person in the hole. You encourage them to climb out, but they don't think they can do it and don't even try, they say they aren't strong enough.

Now you are really concerned about them and how they will get out of this dark, dirty hole. So you go and find a ladder. You put the ladder down the hole and tell them to climb out. They just sit. They don't think they can do it. You try and coax them out of the hole by telling them how warm and sunny it is outside of the hole, but they don't budge, they sit in their hole and won't come out.

Because this is someone you love and you want to help them YOU decide to go down in the hole and get them out. So you slowly climb down each step until YOU reach the bottom of the hole, it's dark, cold, dirty and you can't even see the sun anymore from the top of the hole.

You grab their hand and say, "let's get out of here". You give their arm a tug and they don't budge. They say they can't do it. You are going to have to CARRY THEM! You try with all your might, but you are not strong enough to carry both of you up and out of the hole.

So you sit.

You sit in the hole with this person and while they are there with you, you feel all alone, cold and dirty. So you decide (after a long while of sitting and getting dirty) that you are going to get out of the hole and in order to do this you must leave this person in the hole. Because you aren't strong enough to carry both of you out, you barely have the strength to make the climb yourself.

So you say goodbye and you start to climb out of the hole, as you climb the sun starts to meet your skin, you start to get warmer and feel the wind in your hair and the freshness that it brings. You make it to the top of the hole and embrace the daylight. You look back and there sits your "friend" still in the hole, but now you understand that you can do whatever you can to help them, BUT YOU CAN'T CARRY THEM OUT OF THE HOLE.

They have to get out of the hole by themselves, you can show them the way, you can encourage them, but DON'T GO IN THE HOLE to get them, you aren't strong enough. Christ is the only one strong enough to carry us out of the hole.

Low Visibility Ahead . . .

About a year and a half ago my husband had to work out of state for 6 months. This was a very hard time in our lives. He was living in an apartment 7 hours away from us. We missed him greatly. The girls and I went up to Montana to help him find an apartment and stay with him for a week as he got settled in. Leaving him there was HORRIBLE! Luckily we had met up with his parents in Idaho and they had my oldest so driving home it was just the baby (my now 3 year old) and me. As I said goodbye to him knowing that he was going to not be living with us for 6 months I was overcome with emotions and just let the tears and pain fall. While I was crying and feeling so low, lost, and alone thinking about what was I going home for, I was leaving "home" somewhere else. What was I going to do when I got home to that empty house? I was pleading with Heavenly Father to help me find peace and comfort.
Just then there was a street sign that said, "LOW VISIBILITY AHEAD". This hit me (not literally, thank heavens) and I found that comfort I was seeking.
Even though at that moment my life and happiness was foggy and my visibility of the future was low . . . I KNEW that things would be okay.
We can't always see the big picture or the road before us but as long as we keep on the right road and exercise our Faith we will make it through the "low visibility" areas in our lives.

He trusts you . . .

This is an older testimoment for me, but I must share it. I love my children, but sometimes being a mother is less than glorious (don't act surprised)! I was going through a period where I was really struggling with my oldest and I really wanted the best for her but didn't know what that was or where to find it.

I went to a meeting (there's a common thing here, I really shouldn't miss these!) and there someone mentioned a talk given by a general authority (I don't know who it was) but he mentioned a joke. The joke told by the general authority was this, "for all you parents sitting there smug thinking how great your children are and how you did such a perfect job . . . just know he didn't trust you with a hard one." Everyone laughed . . . . I cried. Now I know it was a joke and I know that this may not truly be the case, but I felt Him.

I felt the confirmation that the reason I had this challenging child (or children) was because he KNEW I could handle it. Now it doesn't mean I think I am better than the parent with the easy kids, it just helped me to view my trials in a whole new light. We don't have to wait until our next estate (the after life) to hear the Lord say, "way to go, you're doing a good job". There are things that are constantly happening in our everyday, that are "way to go's" from the Lord. They can come in the form of a trial or a blessing. And many times, they are the same.

When the Lord sends you a hard kid, it's a way to go, you can do it, I KNOW you can. When the Lord sends us a challenging calling, it's a way to go. When the Lord sends us trials, we can view them as "why me" or we can view them as, "well, at least he trusts me." Now my mother and I have talked about this often and I agree with her that sometimes, I don't want to be so trusted . . . he he he.

But view it from a worldly point of view. If you are at your job and you are doing great. Your employer doesn't just keep giving you the stuff that's too easy for you, or all the stuff you already mastered. If you are doing a good job they are going to give you projects and challenges to push you further, projects with more responsibility. They trust you can do it. These are the things that help you get "promoted" or "move up the ladder of success".

So the next time you are feeling low and "picked on" (we all do) remember it's a WAY to GO! Consider it your promotion for a job well done.