Endure to the End . . .

We have experienced something over the past few days that gives me a whole new perspective to the Lord's counsel to "endure to the end". A loved and cherished son of God decided to take his life on Tuesday. He seemed to be such a happy and well person and the shock from the tragedy has left everyone confused and saddened. While out shoveling snow, I could not take my mind off of it and kept thinking about what on earth could have made him do this? I don't understand. Then I got the message "lean not unto thine own understanding." This didn't give me full peace, but a dose of, "hey we aren't always going to understand everything". As I started to think more (as this seems to be taking over a lot of my thoughts) I started thinking that the command or the commandment from the Lord to simply "endure to the end" is truly all we can do sometimes. When things seem like they will never get better, like there is no way out . . . Just Survive. Just live. Just ENDURE.

In Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin's conference talk "Come What May and Love it", he counseled on the "Principle of Compensation: The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."

My prayers and heart go out to the family at this time. I pray that they may find peace and some sort of understanding, whether it be ours or the Lords. I pray that we may remember to endure, hold on, the light will come.

Elder Bruce R. McConkie (1915–85) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: “Suicide consists in the voluntary and intentional taking of one’s own life, particularly where the person involved is accountable and has a sound mind. … Persons subject to great stresses may lose control of themselves and become mentally clouded to the point that they are no longer accountable for their acts. It should … be remembered that judgment is the Lord’s; he knows the thoughts, intents, and abilities of men; and he in his infinite wisdom will make all things right in due course.”

Therefore, the loving man we all remembered will be the memories we hold onto.

"Suicide: Some Things We Know, and Some We Do Not" great talk given my M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Picture Testimoment . . .

Seat Belt Warning . . .

Ok so before I post this little "testimoment" I must say . . . that yes, I do look at everything with a bit of a spiritual eye. Because ya know what . . . if you do, you will see things and learn things that you never would have . . . so with that "disclaimer" here I go . . .

Last Sunday I was leaving church in my FABULOUS minivan, and as I pulled out of the parking lot I noticed that the seat belt warning BEEP wasn't . . . well . . . beeping. Normally my seat belt warning goes off like every 2 seconds until you can't stand it anymore and you put your seat belt on. I have felt very silly driving my daughter down the road to the bus stop with my seat belt on, but I CAN'T STAND the beeping! So I give in and buckle up.

Well as I was leaving I hadn't buckled up and noticed that there was silence. At first I thought, OH JOY, but then as I approached the stop sign, I started to feel less joyful. I started to feel like, do I really have to have it beep at me in order to be safe? Can't I just CHOOSE to be safe without this glorious car beeping at me? So I reached over and buckled up my safety belt.

Ok, so here comes the "testimoment". Do we need that constant beep reminding us to be safe? Do we need to be reminded all the time in order to protect ourselves from the evils of the world? YES . . . without that beeping to remind us to put on our "armor" our "safety belts" we forget to. What are our spiritual warnings? What are the things that you use in your life to remind you to "armor" up? Church, Scriptures, Prophets, Prayer . . . that's right all the typical primary answers. So for those of us who feel like, well why do I need to go to Church when I already learned it all? I already know what I am supposed to do . . . Because we need to be reminded daily (hourly for me!) that we are riding along in this troubled world and we need to protect ourselves (especially at high speeds!) from the dangers of the world. And unless you are so strong that you can remember every second to "put on your seat belt" we need those "beeps" to remind us to do it!

So the next time you are driving along and that darned seat belt just keeps beeping at you, don't buckle it behind your back, don't disconnect the fuse, BUCKLE UP! Protect yourself and remember that the Lord is at "home" and wants you to return to him, just like your family is waiting at home wanting you to return to them. So "buckle up" so to speak and know that those beeps are only there to help you be safe!

Drive carefully and know that everyone else out there on the "road" is just trying to get home too.

Heaven on Earth . . .

I have been thinking often about my family and what I need to do to improve it. I hear quotes and comments about how "this is the time" when my littles are little. Celebrate it, enjoy it. So I want to. So I have been using a road map to make this Holiday Season a fun and memorable one, to start family traditions.

Tonight was the first night of our "adventure". I purchased a "project" from the relief society super Saturday. It was a darling ribbon with 24 tiny mis-matched socks to use as an advent calendar. I then used ideas from my hubby's aunt's book PHENOMENAL FAMILY to create some activities we could do each day to make memories and I put one activity per day until Christmas in each sock.

Our first one was a Family Home Evening Lesson. We also made popcorn (by using our stir crazy and taking off the lid, the kids LOVED how it flew all over the room and it's a memory I have from when I was little.) I had then been to the Library and picked up some Christmas themed children's books and wrapped them up, so the kids could pick one to read. As I sat there listening to my oldest daughter read this book and to see my 3 year old sitting practically on her lap eating popcorn off the floor. I had to take a moment to take it all in.

I looked around the room . . . the Christmas Lights, the overly decorated tree, the nativity on the mantel, the popcorn ALL over the floor and the girls huddled together reading a book . . . I thought, "this is what heaven is like". This is what they are talking about.

I thank my Lord for the ability to have pieces of Heaven here on Earth. Granted the moment was short lived as the girls argued over who got to take the book to their room, it was Peace on Earth for me for but a moment and I'll take it!

Where you are supposed to be . . .

Last week was a crazy one. I had a million things to get done and only a short amount of time to get it done in. I was preparing for an out of town trip to photograph a wedding in another state. The bride was my husband's cousin so we were invited to the temple sealing. Since the birth of my third daughter I haven't made it to the temple (naughty!) so I needed to meet with the bishop and stake president to renew my recommend. So on the Sunday before I meet with the Bishop, check! Now to meet with the Stake President. He is at the Stake Center every Tuesday evening from 7-9 pm to renew recommends. And of course, I have procrastinated to the last Tuesday before the wedding. I had it all planned out when . . . WHAT . . . things didn't go as planned!

I had a photo shoot that went longer than expected and found myself speeding up the freeway trying to make it in time. As I exited the freeway I realized there was no way I was going to make it up to the Stake Center in time. So . . . someone crept into my mind and started saying, well I guess I just won't go in and I'll meet them when they get out, it's my own fault and I can't ask the Stake Presidency to meet me a different time due to my procrastination.

I was then prompted by someone :) to call my mother and ask her advice (being that my dad is a bishop, I thought they may know a thing or two about this subject). She said you call and you get there! She was very sure in her answer. So I said, how! She said to contact the Stake Executive Secretary . . . ummmm ok, don't know him :)

So I called my husband to see if he could find my stake directory in the pile of papers on my desk. He said he would search (what a man!) I then called my Young Women President thinking she may have the number closer. She had the number for the Stake Center Office, and just as I hung up with her, my dear man called me with the Brother's name and guess what I knew him! Yay! He was in our Ward and his daughters are in young women's with me.

So I called the office and spoke with the Brother and he decided that we could maybe have a member of the Presidency sneak out from their meeting (that they hold after the recommend interviews) and interview with me. I promised him I was good so I wouldn't take very long, he he he.

So I got there and yes, 30 minutes late. But I came to this realization . . . we can ALWAYS find an excuse not to go, a reason we aren't able to make it, BUT the important thing is we need to find the REASONS TO BE THERE! The motivation to be where we are supposed to be. He did say, "It wouldn't be easy, but it WOULD be worth it!"

A Perfect Baptism . . .

When my daughter turned eight we were very excited for her baptism. We had made our programs, scheduled our speakers and planned refreshments. But . . . things didn't quite go as planned. When we arrived at the church (the stake center wasn't available because the rusted pipes made the water brown) it was locked. So we waited in the parking lot for 30 minutes until someone arrived to unlock the doors. When we got there the font was empty. We had to fill up the font and the water didn't get warm until it was half way full. The closet that had the baptism clothes in it was locked and once again, no one was around to unlock it. So my hubby had to run home and grab his temple clothes so we could perform the baptism.
As time got closer to the baptism, my daughter's biological father and his family arrived. They brought friends and filled up the front four rows. But . . . no one from the ward had arrived. My father is a bishop so I asked him if he could "preside" over the baptism. He was pretty sure that it needed to be someone who presided over that ward, not just any bishop. We had heard that the relief society was having a meeting in the gym, so we snuck a peek and noticed that the Stake President was attending.
So at the last minute, my mother and I were wandering the halls trying to figure out what to do and I said, "nothing is going right". And my mother responded with, "Baptism is a big deal, Satan is trying his best". This affected me greatly. I changed my whole outlook on the situation and thought, "well I won't let him get me down!" So we found the Stake President and asked him to join us for my daughter's baptism.
As the program began I started to understand more of why things hadn't gone our way. The first four rows were filled with people whom I hadn't seen in a long time. People that had seen me at some of my worst times. People I used to call family and friends. I had the wonderful opportunity to stand before them, my family and my beautiful daughter and bear my testimony about the beauty of the atonement and the baptismal covenants that I took when I was eight years old. I was able to stand there and bear witness to them that thru the atonement and repentance I have been able to turn my life around and to enjoy the blessings of the gospel once again. No one in this world knew more of the things I had done then these people, therefore for them to see me testify of the gift of the atonement was monumental.
Then to watch my husband, my eternal companion, take my daughter as his own and baptize her in the name of Jesus Christ, I had an understanding of why Satan wouldn't want this to take place.
It couldn't have gone any better. It was a perfect baptism.

Pictures Testimoments

Being that I am a photographer, I want to also use this blog to post pictures that build my testimony. This first picture is one I LOVE, it's of my little girl preparing for her baptism and just speaks to me. I feel the future in the picture. This little daughter of Heavenly Father looking up to Heaven in her dress of white. From this point on when I post pictures I won't really "say" much about them, just feel what you do :)

The small spiritual experiences . . .

It is through our every day life that we can find ways to build our testimonies. It doesn't have to be a big set up. I LOVE to seek these small experiences out. I love the day to day life that the Lord has given me and the small moments that impact my life.

Yesterday I was sick, not just feeling low, but sick, couldn't get out of bed. My oldest daughter came home from a Halloween party and immediately sprung to action and took care of me. She brought me an ice cold glass of water after I threw up saying, "I always like when you bring me a glass of water to get that taste out of my mouth."

She kept giving me "distant" hugs (no one wants this sick). And when it came time to tuck her in, we had to have our prayer at my bedside instead of hers. It was her turn to say the prayer and while she was praying she said, "we ask a special prayer tonight to bless that mom will get feeling better so she can have a fun Halloween."

How sweet of her to think of me and how much fun I want to have. So after sleeping most of the night I woke up this morning feeling a bit better (I could at least get out of bed). I went downstairs to wake her up for school (of course we have to get up extra early today to get her costume and Halloween make-up on). And the first thing she asks is, "How are you feeling?" I reply that I am feeling a lot better and she says, "See my prayer worked!"

There is a reason the Lord requires us to be like little children the faith and understanding that they have is so pure and real. This was a reminder to me that children can also have testimony building moments at a young age when they exercise their faith.

I am so grateful for the gift of His children in my home and will seek continually to provide for them.

"I can't LIVE without you!"

When my husband and I first started dating I had turned my life over to the Lord, I literally stood on the back porch of my parents house and said, with my eyes facing the sun, "I can't do it, I can't do any of it, I need you to take over and guide me."
And I tell you what, he did. Ask and ye shall receive right!

So there were many parts of our relationship that weren't typical dating etiquette but they were just what both us needed to KNOW that this was the right choice. The eternal choice.

"I can't live without you!"

How romantic right? When someone tells you this you just melt with a big blushing AWWWHHHHHH! BUT . . . I tell you what, if this is a TRUE statement, not just a romantic blurb of words . . . beware. I have been there, where someone truly claims to not be able to live without you. While this may be fine and dandy as long as you want to be with them . . . but imagine this . . . you don't. Not because they aren't a good person, not because they aren't worth your love, but because the person you have become when you are with them is not the person the Lord wants you to be and in order to get back on track you must remove yourself from the entire lifestyle you have been living.

When I first meet my husband I had just come out of a long relationship in which my life and spirituality took backseat to the needs and wants of another person. Our relationship had become unhealthy for both of us and we both needed to move on and seek out happiness.

One of the best things my husband said to me while we were dating was this, "If we were to break up, I would be sad, but . . . I would be okay." Now, some of you may be thinking, WHAT! How romantic is that? BUT to me, it was JUST WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR! I had spent 6 years of my life with a person who HAD to be with me. Who's life may possibly come to an end if I left. This is no way to be in a relationship. So this concept that this man didn't HAVE to be with me, he WANTED to be with me. His life was just fine without me, but he felt it was better with me. He individually was a stable person who knew that his happiness did not depend on another human being. I was thrilled!

I don't know why he said this, but I do . . . I know that the Lord knew I needed to know that my life didn't have to take a backseat to this man's, we could walk together.

There's a beautiful picture of two swans flying and it's titled "freely committed" (I NEED to find this picture) but it shows how they mate for life and when one is tired the other one flies in front to take the wind, and they switch back and forth, but while they may be able to take flight and leave the other swan they CHOOSE to be freely committed to one another and fly together. I love this, they are not chained together, one is not dragging the other one, they are FREELY COMMITTED. I love it.

I do have to say that now that I have been married to my eternal companion for 6 years, I do REALLY like having him around and understand that we do become ONE when we are married, but the strength and happiness that we have comes from within ourselves and through the Lord and is NOT solely dependent on the actions of another person.

I am FREELY COMMITTED, now that's romantic!

To The Bottom and Back . . .

When I was making the climb back out of my "hole" of sin and sorrow, I wrote a poem trying to explain what it felt like. I titled it "To the Bottom and Back"

Do you know what it's like at the bottom of the sea?
It's dark and dreary and you can barely see.
The water's so cold and it eats at your skin.
You can hardly breath and your oxygen's thin.
The pressure upon you is like nothing you've known.
Even if you're with others, you feel all alone.
There's beautiful wonders swimming right beside you
but you can not see them, no matter what you do.
You sink to the bottom and can't see the sun.
You look at the sand and think . . . what have I done.
You wonder if ever you'll see the light of day,
but never start swimming, you just sit there and sway.
You hope that a fisherman, out on a boat
will notice you down there and keep you afloat.
But no one can see you, they don't know you are there.
So you have to start swimming, or you'll run out of air.
So suddenly you decide to do something brave
and swim for your life out of this watery grave.
Your feet are so heavy and your heart feels the same.
You feel like you are drowning in a sea full of shame.
But you know you must go or you'll never be free.
So you take that first step back to the edge of the sea.
You swim with your arms, your legs and your heart.
You know it's a long trip, but you need somewhere to start.
The pressure starts to lessen and the water's not so cold
then you embrace the sunlight, shinning yellow and gold.
You start to swim faster and suddenly you find
that your strong tribulations weren't one of a kind.
You find that your feet are as light as a feather
and that you breath the sunlight that you will forever treasure.
You burst through the waves, so cold and so blue
to find family and friends waiting to help you.
They rescue your body, your mind and your soul.
You did it! You made it! What a glorious goal.
They were there with their eyes full of gratuitous tears
then you found that they shared your trials and fears.

The Lord is our sun, so bright and so true
so always remember no matter what you do
That the sea may look tempting on his sunny days
but when you hit bottom, all that's left is the haze
and wishing for sunlight and the cold emptiness
so remember . . . KEEP SWIMMING . . . and he'll do the rest.

So take it from me, for to the bottom I have been
that Jesus the Christ, is a fisher of men.

Ann Montgomery

The Hole . . .

To explain to you about how one can have good intentions in helping someone, yet find themselves in just as much trouble. I like to explain my experience as 'THE HOLE'.

Imagine you are walking along one day and you hear someone calling for help. You follow their voice until you come upon a hole. There they are sitting in this deep, dark hole. You see that it is someone you care about dearly. You ask if they are ok, they say they are fine but they can't get out. So you look at the side of the hole and see there are divets and cranny's that they could use to climb out. You start to point them out to them but they say they can't do that, they aren't strong enough.

So you decide to go and get a rope. You find a rope, tie it to a tree, and throw the other end down to the person in the hole. You encourage them to climb out, but they don't think they can do it and don't even try, they say they aren't strong enough.

Now you are really concerned about them and how they will get out of this dark, dirty hole. So you go and find a ladder. You put the ladder down the hole and tell them to climb out. They just sit. They don't think they can do it. You try and coax them out of the hole by telling them how warm and sunny it is outside of the hole, but they don't budge, they sit in their hole and won't come out.

Because this is someone you love and you want to help them YOU decide to go down in the hole and get them out. So you slowly climb down each step until YOU reach the bottom of the hole, it's dark, cold, dirty and you can't even see the sun anymore from the top of the hole.

You grab their hand and say, "let's get out of here". You give their arm a tug and they don't budge. They say they can't do it. You are going to have to CARRY THEM! You try with all your might, but you are not strong enough to carry both of you up and out of the hole.

So you sit.

You sit in the hole with this person and while they are there with you, you feel all alone, cold and dirty. So you decide (after a long while of sitting and getting dirty) that you are going to get out of the hole and in order to do this you must leave this person in the hole. Because you aren't strong enough to carry both of you out, you barely have the strength to make the climb yourself.

So you say goodbye and you start to climb out of the hole, as you climb the sun starts to meet your skin, you start to get warmer and feel the wind in your hair and the freshness that it brings. You make it to the top of the hole and embrace the daylight. You look back and there sits your "friend" still in the hole, but now you understand that you can do whatever you can to help them, BUT YOU CAN'T CARRY THEM OUT OF THE HOLE.

They have to get out of the hole by themselves, you can show them the way, you can encourage them, but DON'T GO IN THE HOLE to get them, you aren't strong enough. Christ is the only one strong enough to carry us out of the hole.

Low Visibility Ahead . . .

About a year and a half ago my husband had to work out of state for 6 months. This was a very hard time in our lives. He was living in an apartment 7 hours away from us. We missed him greatly. The girls and I went up to Montana to help him find an apartment and stay with him for a week as he got settled in. Leaving him there was HORRIBLE! Luckily we had met up with his parents in Idaho and they had my oldest so driving home it was just the baby (my now 3 year old) and me. As I said goodbye to him knowing that he was going to not be living with us for 6 months I was overcome with emotions and just let the tears and pain fall. While I was crying and feeling so low, lost, and alone thinking about what was I going home for, I was leaving "home" somewhere else. What was I going to do when I got home to that empty house? I was pleading with Heavenly Father to help me find peace and comfort.
Just then there was a street sign that said, "LOW VISIBILITY AHEAD". This hit me (not literally, thank heavens) and I found that comfort I was seeking.
Even though at that moment my life and happiness was foggy and my visibility of the future was low . . . I KNEW that things would be okay.
We can't always see the big picture or the road before us but as long as we keep on the right road and exercise our Faith we will make it through the "low visibility" areas in our lives.

Temple Riders . . .

This is a double post from my photography blog but I must share these here too :) Our YW/YM had the extraordinary opportunity to have the Temple Riders come and visit us for our activity last night. They came roaring in on their motor cycles (and I mean roaring!) and we got to play around the bikes for a while before we went inside and they talked to us about how wearing the protection they wear while riding their bikes is like putting on the Armor of God. I can tell that this association has brought a whole new crowd of on-lookers that the church may not have seen before. What fun people they were and . . . . LOOK AT THOSE BIKES!

Decisions, Decisions.

I am a mother of three beautiful little girls. And ever since the birth of my second daughter I have been staying home taking care of them, but I have ALWAYS wanted to find a way to contribute to the family finances. I tried everything you can think of . . . scrapbooking, make-up sales, party planning, and the list goes on and on . . . When my 2nd little princess was 1 week old we had a friend come over and take some pictures of the family and our newbie. She did a great job and these are pictures we will forever treasure and I still have the family one hanging on my wall ( I know I need a new one especially since I am a photographer and there is ANOTHER CHILD involved, I just don't like getting my picture taken.) But I remember getting these pictures and seeing how happy they made me and seeing how well the girl was doing and I thought HEY maybe I could do that. I had always liked to draw and have taken art classes all my life. I never got raves reviews from my teachers because all I ever drew were portraits of people (seems kinda funny now). So a dear friend of mine (a wife of a guy my hubby works with) helped me talk my husband into spending our tax return on a camera (not the nicest one out there mind you, we don't have THAT many deductibles.)

But before I bought the camera I remember praying and praying about it and whether it was the right thing to do. All my other hair-brained ideas didn't have that much money to shell out at the beginning, so this was a sacrifice for us. Was it the right thing? Now I remember taking my scriptures with me down to the bus stop as I took my oldest to school one day and reading while we waited in the snow.

I have always heard about people who just open the scriptures and read a verse and get an answer to the question . . . so I decided to test this theory. I plopped them open and read the first verse that came to my eye. I don't remember the verse or where it was located (I wish I would have marked it) but it said, "Seek God, before you seek riches." This was an answer to my prayer. I had been using God as the backburner for my quest for riches, when in fact I needed to seek God first and the riches would follow (if they were to be).

So after more prayers and quiet whisperings from the Holy Ghost (and direction from my patriarchal blessing) my husband bought me the camera and the rest is history. It didn't boom quick but three years later I am able to provide some supplimentary income for my family's needs. My photography has been a gift and continues to be a gift from my Heavenly Father so I am always trying to find ways to give back, ways to use my gift to further his work here on earth.

Another prayer answered (a little comedic).

I was thinking I wanted to move (I know crazy right, we live in such a beautiful place) but my kids don't have a lot of people to play with and summer is hard! So I was visiting my sister in law and watched my kids play with like a trillion other kids and I was thinking that they were missing out. So I went home and told my hubby that I wanted to move down to her neighborhood. Now I always say my hubby has good guts, meaning when he has a gut feeling it's the way we should go, I do believe this has something to do with the priesthood he holds :) But we'll call it guts :) And he responded to me, "really because I don't feel that way, why don't you pray about it". Oh darn it, I wanted him to say "OK, my lovely wife whatever you say!"

So I prayed and decided to do the scripture magic again, I plopped open my scriptures (and this one I did mark) and it fell to Alma 46:24, which starts out, "Yea, let us preserve our liberty . . ." Now this may not seem like an answer to some, but think about this. I live in Liberty Utah! Now people can laugh (because that's just what I did when I read it) but the Lord can guide and direct us in our decisions if we will only listen.

A Challenge . . .

I was down at Temple Square yesterday photographing a wedding. The ceremony pictures were over and I had about an hour and a half until the reception (at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building) so I decided to wander through temple square and see what I could see. As I was wandering I had the opportunity to speak with a lovely sister missionary. At the end of our conversation she asked me if she could give me a challenge! I am up for a challenge from a missionary any day! She asked that I think hard about something I need an answer to, something I maybe haven't let go of, or that I am seeking. She asked that I write it down and listen to conference with that "question" in mind. She PROMISED me that if I did this, my question would be answered! What Faith she had. She said it without doubt or hesitation. So therefore, I am going to do the challenge and I am passing the challenge on to you.
1. Think deep about something you need an answer to or something you have been seeking forgiveness for that you haven't let go of.
2. Write this thing down (in a journal, on a piece of paper you can crumple up so no one can see, anywhere!).
3. Listen to General Conference on Oct. 4th and 5th. For Broadcast Information Click Here.
4. Have Faith and Know that you will find what you are seeking.

Every Part of your life!

Not too long ago I was trying to sell my car.  Not because I didn't like it . . . because I LOVED it.  But because my family has grown and for my own sanity the children need to be out of arms reach of one another.  So with much sadness I put my car on the "ever so popular" online selling site.  Now I had a cute, fun, fast car and this online source was my only method for selling it.  No number in the car window or sale sign.  So we waited . . .

It sat online for 30 days then 45 days and I was determined that the car wasn't going to sell and that it just wasn't meant to be.  I had this very thought as I was driving my three year old to the doctor when . . . she threw up all over the back seat.   The most HORRIBLE throw up ever!  So I pulled over and got her cleaned up (as much as you can in the back seat of a car), ran into Old Navy in her skibbies to get some new clothes to wear and as I get back in the car . . . I get a phone call saying they want to look at my car!  Of course, now that it's covered in throw up and I have an infant and sick toddler on my hands.

So we rush home and detail the car, top to bottom!  Thank heavens for hubbies.  And I am thinking how weird it is that just today I was thinking if it's meant to be it will happen if not, don't stress about it.  So my hubby takes the car to show the people and he comes home and says they want it!  And they are going to pick it up tomorrow.  

Well I haven't even been looking for a new car.  All I knew was that I wanted a mini-van (crazy I know, but it's pure heaven)  I was kind of picky about this as I felt that if I was going to be a mini-van driving mom it had to have all the bells and whistles I needed.  But it also had to be about the same price as my old car . . . challenging.  And not to throw in any more challenges, but we were supposed to head up to Bear Lake in two days, need a car for that!

So I ran to the same online source and started searching for my dream car (van).  It needed to be white, I wanted power sliding doors (how cool are those), I wanted a dvd player to keep the kids happy on those rides home from grandma and grandpa's and it had to have under 80k miles.  Now I worked at car dealerships for 7 years and one thing I did learn was that you can't custom order a used car.

So my hopes were high, but my expectations low.  I am looking and looking and praying and praying (yes I was praying about a car).  Then I found it, but it had been online for 50 days and was $3000 under book . . . it was either sold or something seriously wrong with it!  The listing wasn't the best, very vague, but even in the small print I could read dvd player and power sliding doors.  So I called and left a message.

I then rented a van so I had something to drive and with 24 hours until we were to head to Bear Lake I kept looking and praying that the right thing would turn up for us.  I finally got a phone call back from the man selling the van and they still had it and they lived within 15 minutes of us (which if you know where I live, this is a big deal).  So we ran to see it and it was PERFECT!  Everything I wanted and only $200 more than our old car!  The man said that he had it online for the 50 days and we are the first to call on it!  Sold, we'll take two!

Now I am not saying that this car is heaven sent, but what I am saying is that if you let the Lord be a part of EVERY aspect of your life . . . job, cars, school, even down to the smallest thing, He will be involved.  He will guide you and direct you.  He will ease your worries with the FAITH that he will find a way for things to work out.  

Just as I said in the post before this . . . we are given trials.   No doubt about it, but if we let the Lord be involved in everything he will guide us through it all . . . Big or Small!  Don't ever feel like something isn't important enough to pray for.  If it's important to you, it's important to Him.  

He trusts you . . .

This is an older testimoment for me, but I must share it. I love my children, but sometimes being a mother is less than glorious (don't act surprised)! I was going through a period where I was really struggling with my oldest and I really wanted the best for her but didn't know what that was or where to find it.

I went to a meeting (there's a common thing here, I really shouldn't miss these!) and there someone mentioned a talk given by a general authority (I don't know who it was) but he mentioned a joke. The joke told by the general authority was this, "for all you parents sitting there smug thinking how great your children are and how you did such a perfect job . . . just know he didn't trust you with a hard one." Everyone laughed . . . . I cried. Now I know it was a joke and I know that this may not truly be the case, but I felt Him.

I felt the confirmation that the reason I had this challenging child (or children) was because he KNEW I could handle it. Now it doesn't mean I think I am better than the parent with the easy kids, it just helped me to view my trials in a whole new light. We don't have to wait until our next estate (the after life) to hear the Lord say, "way to go, you're doing a good job". There are things that are constantly happening in our everyday, that are "way to go's" from the Lord. They can come in the form of a trial or a blessing. And many times, they are the same.

When the Lord sends you a hard kid, it's a way to go, you can do it, I KNOW you can. When the Lord sends us a challenging calling, it's a way to go. When the Lord sends us trials, we can view them as "why me" or we can view them as, "well, at least he trusts me." Now my mother and I have talked about this often and I agree with her that sometimes, I don't want to be so trusted . . . he he he.

But view it from a worldly point of view. If you are at your job and you are doing great. Your employer doesn't just keep giving you the stuff that's too easy for you, or all the stuff you already mastered. If you are doing a good job they are going to give you projects and challenges to push you further, projects with more responsibility. They trust you can do it. These are the things that help you get "promoted" or "move up the ladder of success".

So the next time you are feeling low and "picked on" (we all do) remember it's a WAY to GO! Consider it your promotion for a job well done.

Where I stand and Repentance isn't painful . . .

I have decided that I will create a blog to share my testimony building moments (I call them my testimoments).

But two weeks ago I had the opportunity to attend a stake priesthood leadership training meeting in which the YW presidencies were invited.  The stake president spoke with love and concern for the youth.  He spoke in a forward manner regarding the challenges and confusion out there facing our youth (and children).  

I determined that I need to decide WHERE I STAND!  I know that the gospel is full of guidelines and direction that only lead to happiness, but I don't know if I have ever sat down and said . . . I am LDS all the way, meaning I don't pick and choose the commandments I follow.  So to protect my children and to only make my life a happier one, I decided that for family home evening we were going to sit down and write down our Family Standards.  So my girls would know that our family standards ARE the church standards.  So we went through the things we are (or strive to be) - (I had a little help with this by using the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet - a must read and read and read . . . religious or not).  We listed things such as we are modest, we are honest, we repent . . . This not only reminds us everyday of the church standards that we live by, but it also holds us accountable, we can't say we are if we aren't.  So we can strive to be what we say we are.  

And on the note of repentance, I had an "Ah Ha" moment (as Oprah would call it).  A former mission president spoke on how MANY missionaries entered the mission field un-prepared, and not fully ready for they had not repented from all the things they should have addressed. And then he mentioned that they need to know that repentance isn't painful . . . now he went on to say some wonderful things, but this thought, stuck with me.  

For those of you who know me personally. . . I have taken some bumpy roads that have lead me to where I am today.  I have definitely taken advantage of the atonement.  But as I would stand talking to the youth or whomever, and when I had to speak on repentance I always made sure to tell them that it was hard.  (Because I have always heard that it was, that it's through this hard that we are forgiven).  So I made sure to tell them that repentance was worth it but it was hard.  But inside I thought . . . I NEVER felt like it was hard when I did it.  The burden or sin I carried was hard!  NOT the repentance, repentance sets you free of the "hard", now maybe admitting the sin or revealing it is hard, but repentance is WONDERFUL and not possible without the sacrifice Christ made for us! Repentance lifts that burden from your shoulders, just as Christ said, let me carry your load.  

I drove home from that meeting in tears, not because of the overwhelming load that was placed upon us in regards to chastity and morality, but because I realized I HAD REPENTED fully.  I have always thought . . . well I feel like I repented, I have the spirit, I feel forgiven, I have forgiven, but it wasn't hard . . . so did I not do it right?  I DID, I HAVE, AND I AM!  I gained a whole new testimony of the atonement that I have used over and over.  What a wonderful thing, that thru love, compassion, and JOY . . . I repented and was forgiven and returned to a full, GOSPEL FILLED life. 

I challenge EVERYONE to sit down and think where do WE stand as a family or as a person.  Regardless of religion, what do we want to stand for.  And display these things in your home, to remind you daily of those standards that we strive for.

I am TRULY grateful for the Savior, because he saved me!  He is not only the Savior of the scriptures, the Savior of the Church . . . he is the Savior of ME!  I know that while I have been saved once or twice, I will continue to be saved my whole life through until I return home with my eternal family (and probably even after that).

"If we could only understand All we have heard and seen, We'd know there is no greater gift than those two words - Washed Clean." Boyd K. Packer